first vpechatleniami appreciate you in the first seconds of acquaintance, but what they pay attention first of all? The answer to this question knows Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist, Professor at Harvard business school.
Amy Cuddy, along with psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Pikom (Susan Fiske and Peter Glick) for 15 years studied the issue of first impression, and factors that influence it.
In his new book “Presence” (“Presence”) Cuddy says that people quickly answer yourself two questions when you first meet someone:
- Can I trust this person?
- Can I respect this person?
Psychologists call their “sincerity” and “competence”, and each of us wants to be perceived as a person possessing these criteria.
However, according to Amy Cuddy, in a professional context, most people think “competence” is more important. This means that they want the first thing to show others your wit and talent that can handle it.
But in fact, sincerity and reliability are the most important factors in how people assess us.
From an evolutionary point of view, for the survival of man is more important to know the other person deserves trust.
It makes sense when you consider that cavemen was important if they wanted to kill him and take all the property, than to worry whether there is enough competent for this man to light the fire.
Cuddy argues that expertise is really appreciated, but only after establishing trust. And focus on your strengths can have negative consequences.
In search of work, people usually try to be very smart and competent, but it really may lead to the loss of social ties. They look arrogant, unapproachable, and never seek help. It is these “successful” people face trouble when, for example, get a job, and all because nobody got to know him better, but because it does not trust.
If someone, who you trying to impress, doesn’t trust you, I won’t get far in a relationship with him. Moreover, you can raise suspicion because you will be perceived as a manipulator,” explains Amy Cuddy.
Pleasant, reliable person is always admired. But only after you set the relationship to be based on trust, your strengths will be perceived as a gift, and not as a threat to others.